Into The Blue Again

In 3 months I would have been on the road for a year. I saved nearly the exact amount necessary to survive at a base level for 12 months. Through the simplicity of my lifestyle, rugged determination and grit, along with constant enjoyment of the moment, the road is causing a unique mind/body transformation.

Through good fortune I have been able to spend the past 2 months in St. Augustine FL. I have met some incredible people along the way. Although I haven’t been on the move, I have been learning wonderful concepts from very centered individuals guiding me like a whisper along my journey. In July I will travel back to Maine and spend 7 weeks raking wild blueberries at Ben’s farm. Ben is a fellow traveler now living in Maine whom I met along in my way.

Time is in slow motion in St. Augustine, with many changes happening. Everyday I see birds flying north. They mock me, unbound and in ultimate freedom, money does not prohibit them from movement.  I am not journaling much. Slowly grasping what I hear and see. I am only catching the debris from the world’s movement watching it pass in front of me. Never really holding onto anything.  Seeing from a distance as the magic dust follows the flash, holding my hand out letting it seep through my fingers.

I realize that knowledge is fleeting, and that I am constantly forgetting lessons. I feel the world is a set of waves. Between the waves I find peace and tranquility. And in this time it is crucial I learn as much as possible. I need to know how to surf the next set. I cannot foresee when a standout is coming. Life is a set of waves… I learn to surf.

Here are the things I’ve learned in St. Augustine:

1. Complacency and stillness are still inhibitors of my desire. My life is molded in the coals of a white-hot furnace.

2.  My head wants peace my heart wants fire.  

3. St. Augustine is a womb, a healing nurturing place to anyone who welcomes magic.

4. The power of chanting Om. 

5. How to land a plane, (seriously I landed a freaking plane). 

6. Nothing you want is upstream.

7. I am playing with house money, so play to win.

8. Don’t limit what the universe can unfold by confining my view by negative thoughts.

9. Happiness comes quietly

10. Wandering is the most responsible thing I’ve ever done.

11. Understand suffering through empathy, though unserstand I have a choice not to live in it.

This is a story about a special moment in St. Augustine. It is one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had:

………………I am lying on my back, in the middle of a bench, in the middle of a steel bleacher, in the middle of a vacant park, in the middle of somewhere peaceful. I am reading the story Siddhartha. My heart is drawn into the words page after page. The book reflects many of my own life experiences.  One part of the book particularly strikes the chord within myself. I am at the point where Siddhartha is deciding to give up and throw himself into the river, but at the precipice of this moment of surrender something deep within him speaks the word Om.  As the word Om splits his lips his spirit is lifted up and he realizes the folly in his decision. While reading these line I begin to remember when I gave up. I was surrounded by darkness, tired and worn down by a life I had no control over.  There was no sight of light in any direction. I was incapable of knowing how I reached this lowly point. Defeated with hopelessness I crawled on the floor and surrendered myself to the dark will. In this moment a wave of grace broke through the smoke screen and allowed me to see clearly the precise ways in which events unfolded, how I wronged myself and others, and the future that these decisions held. I knew the dark cloud being lifted would only be temporary, and within a matter of 10 or 20 seconds of clarity I grabbed my gift and decided to take action. I chose to change my life completely.

I feel more tied to the story now than ever, and my emotions are bringing tears into my eyes.  I am on my back holding the book straight up, the book is shielding the sun from my eyes, it’s borders are glowing around the edges. A seagull passes overhead. I start to chant Om. I am now completely compelled with the story. I am sharing the chant Om with Siddhartha by the river. I begin to laugh with tears of joy, I too know the power of grace. I ask a favor, but not to prove anything I didn’t already know. I asked to bring the bird that passed me back, and let us embrace life.  Just as the bird is almost out of sight in the corner of my eye, I chant Om with as much passion as I could.  I do not move from my position. I see the seagull turning around.  The returning seagull swoops over me, making it apparent.  It begins to circle around the sun, and the book. In this moment I see there are several other birds, mostly large vultures, circling us as well. I am holding the chant and watching in amazement as the birds, each on different levels of altitude, some of which are so high they are barely recognizable, continue to soar and circle the sun. The birds form a spiraling mass around megawatts of energy and around our fundamental source of life and energy, the largest star in the sky. I stay with the chant of Om afraid to lose the moment, when I hear a text go off. Without looking at the phone, I already know whom it is from, my friend Esther. I want to see what wisdom she texted in that moment, but I don’t want to lose sight of what is taking place above. As I go to grab my phone I lose concentration for a second and when I look back to the sky the birds have scattered away.

Text:

“And I said the mountain won’t go falling if you’re still willing to climb. But when the mountain goes falling, true riches you will find.”